But then something happened. Something that I had never even thought I would ever experience.
I had a panic attack.
The day was normal. I was home in Portland with my friends, visiting from San Francisco. I had lived there nearly a year and was having the time of my life. We had come up to visit our families and to attend the Red Dress Party, which is basically a rave held for charity.
Everything went great until we were waiting to board the plane home. My friend Jess and I had checked our bags and were waiting in the terminal. My mom called and I answered, thinking she just wanted to say goodbye. Instead she was calling to tell me that my grandma was in the hospital, and that it was bad.
And there it was- panic. I couldn't breathe, started to cry, my heart seemed to beat a mile a minute. It was the most terrible feeling I had ever felt. I knew one thing for sure: I. Could. Not. Get. On. The. Plane. No way.
I had to convince the airline to get my bag, stating a family emergency. I had to call my job in San Francisco and tell them I wasn't sure when I could come back. My mom had to drive out to the airport so I could cry hysterically on her shoulder.
Ever since then my life has changed dramatically. I have become a fearful and unconfident person. Even though all my life, I've been what some would call a go-getter. Always on, always able to handle even the most uncertain situations with strength and amusement. I want that back. I want me back. I'm hoping that writing this blog, even if nobody ever reads it except me, will help me find my way back to who I was and who I still am.
I plan to write about my anxiety, my attempts to treat it and the things I discover in the process.
Any comments are absolutely welcome, as well as links to other blogs/websites that may help me out.
P.S. I also hope to write posts about things other than anxiety- music, photography, writing, etc. Anything that helps me feel like myself.
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